“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
There’s a fundamental importance to knowing your “why”. How’s move us from a to b but the why gets you there. Like a car. The how’s are the wheels and the steering wheel and the axels and the rest of the structure. But the why is the motor. The most pristine, souped-up car goes nowhere without a motor. Just like you.
Our bodies and mind move us around the world
but without the heart and the why’s we keep inside of it
we don’t get anywhere.
The quote above is courtesy of one of history’s famed humanistic philosophers Friedrich Nietzsche. But Nietzsche was far from unique in coming upon this fundamental truth of life. Since we humans began talking, then writing, throughout human time in every nook and cranny of the world, we’ve wondered why we’re here, what this life is, what’s the point of it. And why can it be so hard, so full of suffering. Suffering has been pondered upon just as much and just as long as life itself.
Which is the how. Sometimes the how is suffering. How do I do this, achieve that? Sometimes the answer is hard work and pain and not very much immediate rewards. But it is a why that will see you through.
A reason.
A purpose.
A meaning.
A mission.
A person.
These are your choices.
Bringing down the existentialism down a few notches, what are we really talking about here? Practically. We’re talking about motivation. That’s our drive in life. The how’s are honestly easy enough. There are endless how to’s and step by step guides on how to tackle anything. These, however, are pointless without motivation.
Let’s then talk about motivation. You know essentially what it is, so let’s meander past that. What is interesting about motivation is that is exists on a continuum. On the tail end of that is apathy or “amotivation”. Anyone in apathy simply put is not motivated at all. Here you don’t have a why so you don’t really do anything worthwhile. Next on the continuum is “extrinsic motivation”. Living here means your motivation for taking any action is purely a consequence of an external actor. You are effectively forced into doing something. Unsurprisingly, chances of success when acting out of solely extrinsic motivation are not high. Eventually something’s gotta give. Either you give up or the external force does.
Moving along takes us to “introjected motivation”. Here we are extrinsic adjacent, meaning, while that external force is not literally present you still act like it is. So while your motivation is beginning to build internally it is still the external consequences that drive you. Let’s take an arbitrary example to illustrate the difference between extrinsic and introjected. Say you stop smoking because your partner has laid down an ultimatum that otherwise they’re leaving. At extrinsic, you would only not smoke in situations where your partner can literally catch you. When one has moved to introjected, now you don’t smoke regardless of where you partner is and the motivation has evolved from being literally policed to acting as if you are effectively policed. It’s like not breaking the law not because you’re afraid of the cops right in front of you but because it’s the law.
The next evolution would be “identified motivation”. Here one has conjured up personal motivation to identify with the importance and value of the goal and are willingly engaging in actions that foster success of that goal. You still probably don’t enjoy the actions but you are willing to do it for more than someone else’s benefit. You are now acting for your own benefit knowing it is for your own benefit. Yeah, not lighting up is still hard and you don’t like it but you know it’s good for you.
Finally, and ideally, we reach “intrinsic motivation”. This is the why pinnacle. Now you are acting and moving through life via your own internal compass. You understand the why, why it’s important and integrating it into your life has become both effortless and enjoyable. You are not afraid of punishment nor are seeking reward, you are engaging in the behavior for nothing more than its own sake. Once you’re intrinsically motivated the how flows easily and naturally because the why has become inseparable from you.
So, how does one find their why?
By finding themselves. To know your why is at the crux of my coaching philosophy because to know your why is to know yourself. To know what drives you, what motivates you, it follows logically you must know yourself. This requires both intention and dedication. It will require exploration and experimentation. It will require surrender and sacrifice. It will be a journey, and a journey you need not walk alone.
So, now’s the time to ask yourself…
what’s YOUR why?
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Disclaimer:
Remember dear reader, I am neither a doctor nor any sort of medical physician in any capacity. None of the information presented above can be construed as any sort of medical advice in any sort of manner. You as the reader is solely responsible for creating and implementing your own physical, mental and emotional well-being, decisions, choices and actions. As such, the reader agrees that the author is not and will not be liable or responsible for any actions or inaction taken by the reader or for any direct or indirect results. This information is simply presented and whatever you decide to do with it is your choice and your responsibility.
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