Setbacks can be very difficult\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Scratch that\u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Setbacks are very difficult<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019re ticking along nicely. The past is the past. Over. You\u2019re winning, making progress, moving forward. Then, suddenly, from one day to the next you\u2019re not. You\u2019re back to feeling like you used to, which is not how you want to be feeling. And it hurts \u2013 it hurts emotionally, psychologically, spiritually. In a moment of real darkness things can feel pointless again, and really unfair and undeserved, especially if you\u2019ve been doing everything right. It feels like you\u2019re at square one \u2013\u00a0again<\/em>\u00a0– as if somehow you looped back to the same mountains of challenge and pain you once put everything you had to overcome\u2026 and now you have to climb them again.\u00a0Again<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Am I right back where I started?<\/p>\n\n\n\n No. No, you are not.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n I know it can feel that way.\u00a0But it\u2019s not true<\/strong>. You are not<\/em><\/strong> right back where you started. This isn\u2019t square one. There is no need to throw in the towel and no, things are not pointless, and no, these are not the same mountains. You may need to traverse similar obstacles but you will overcome them quicker, easier and more gracefully.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because you are not the same “climber” you were before.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n You are stronger, smarter, wiser, <\/strong> You\u2019re ready.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n These setbacks come in many forms \u2013 health wise, psychologically, professionally, within one\u2019s familial network, financially, romantically.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n But let\u2019s rewind quick –\u00a0what do I even mean by a setback?<\/strong>\u00a0Basically, whenever one\u2019s present state of reality no longer conforms with one\u2019s expectations. It\u2019s essentially a form of cognitive dissonance. The reality you just inhabited and the reality you relied upon to carry you into the future has deserted you. You are now in a world your ordered mental model must adapt to. You have effectively been dropped into the world of chaos.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n They key now is\u00a0HOW to navigate your way out.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Okay, rewinding again – you are ready<\/strong>.\u00a0That\u2019s the first thing to remember when you find yourself in a setback – that the person in the setback is not the same person who faced the initial challenge<\/strong>. You are now experienced and conditioned. You are the steel that was forged in that original fire. You are sharp, not blunt.\u00a0This is a mindset, a heartset, a spiritset<\/strong>. And it will serve as your compass to guide you through the testing terrain of a setback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But not only have your internal resources upgraded, so have your external ones. Recall step six of The Hero\u2019s Journey<\/a> \u2013 Tests, Allies and Enemies. Having already walked that journey once means you met allies along the way. A setback is the time to call upon them once again<\/strong>. Draw upon their strength, skills and knowledge as fuel to propel you through your latest hero\u2019s journey. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The second thing to be cognizant of is change is the only constant<\/strong>. This is one of life\u2019s most fundamental truths to come to terms with. Things will never remain as is. They will always change. They are always changing. Mostly too incrementally to notice, but often big enough that change must be reckoned with. Change can be uncomfortable, yet only if resisted<\/strong>. Only if one is still uncomfortable with the uncomfortable. Setbacks present an opportunity to practice being comfortable in the uncomfortable<\/strong>. Because another change is coming, sometime down the line, and if you are comfortable with the uncertainty that it brings you are shielded. It\u2019s like a tree in the wind. There will always be wind. But the deeper you dig the roots of your individual power, even the gustiest of winds can only sway you but will not uproot nor break you<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The final piece in your setback toolbox is to\u00a0guard against your mind<\/strong>. \u201cYour mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master\u201d. Do not let it tyrannize you.\u00a0Do not catastrophize<\/strong>. Catastrophizing is a genre of pessimistic, negative thinking. It turns setbacks into huge stressors by obsessing and ruminating on the problem instead of the solutions.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n The tyrant mind sees a setback as permanent instead of the\u00a0temporary<\/strong>\u00a0valley it is. \u201cThis is never going to pass\u201d vs \u201cThis too shall pass<\/strong>\u201d. To catastrophize is to become a victim. You feel slighted by life or others and subsequently surrender your agency. \u201cThis always happens to me. It\u2019s so unfair.\u201d vs (better) \u201cThings happen<\/strong>\u201d. \u201cThere\u2019s nothing I can do. I\u2019m screwed\u201d. Nah. How about some, \u201cHere we go, one step at a time<\/strong>\u201d. You also make a problem all engulfing. \u201cEverything is a disaster\u201d vs \u201cYeah this isn\u2019t good,\u00a0but it\u2019s not the end<\/strong>\u00a0of the world<\/strong>\u201d. Catastrophizing often also goes down the road of blaming yourself. Now look, this is tricky. Self-analysis and correction is a vital part of the path of wellness. We very often are our own worst enemies and we must account for the shadow. But that should not end in blame. It must always end in forgiveness<\/strong>. \u201cThis is all my fault. I\u2019m pathetic\u201d. No! Never! \u201cOkay, I played a part in this,\u00a0but I learnt, I won\u2019t do it again and I love and forgive myself<\/strong>\u201d. Yes.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yeah, setbacks suck. But they\u2019re just setbacks, not permanent backs<\/strong>. They are a sentence, a paragraph in your story, not a chapter.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember you are stronger. Remember things change. As easily and quickly as they change into the negative they as suddenly swing back to the positive. Remember it\u2019s not the end. It\u2019s never the end<\/strong>. Fight. Fight with everything you’ve got. And before you know it that setback is behind you, another range of mount hardships behind you, and you\u2019re somehow even stronger than before. Kia kaha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Photo by Jonathan Bell<\/a> on Unsplash<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Disclaimer: Setbacks are very difficult. <\/p>\n They hurt. <\/p>\n They feel like you’re right back where you started.<\/p>\n Are you right back where you started?<\/p>\n No. No, you are not.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":342,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,37],"tags":[22,89],"class_list":["post-341","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-hero-journey","category-life","tag-heros-journey","tag-setbacks","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/humancoachsa.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/humancoachsa.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/humancoachsa.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humancoachsa.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humancoachsa.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=341"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/humancoachsa.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/341\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humancoachsa.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/342"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/humancoachsa.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=341"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humancoachsa.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=341"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/humancoachsa.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=341"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
better equipped and better prepared.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Remember dear reader, I am neither a doctor nor any sort of medical physician in any capacity. None of the information presented above can be construed as any sort of medical advice in any sort of manner. You as the reader is solely responsible for creating and implementing your own physical, mental and emotional well-being, decisions, choices and actions. As such, the reader agrees that the author is not and will not be liable or responsible for any actions or inaction taken by the reader or for any direct or indirect results. This information is simply presented and whatever you decide to do with it is your choice and your responsibility. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"